Quarantine Made Me Socially Weird

I lost my social skills from being in strict quarantine for 12 months, which affected my friendships and dating life. Here is how I worked through these issues and how you can too.

Before lockdown orders were announced in early March 2020, I had committed to my own personal quarantine upon reading the death reports. My pre-existing condition was no match for this virus. As a 27-year-old homebody, YouTuber, and The Sims 4 lover, I felt ready for the long haul…at least I thought I was.

Spring was doable. Sure, my weekly cry turned into a daily event, but the Twitter hashtag told me “we were all in this together!” Eventually, humankind fell apart with the rejection of masks and super spreader events. I was the bystander watching the world move on without me through my phone screen from my brown living room couch.

I still support my decision to quarantine — I saved lives, including my own — but I was nonetheless sad and lonely with my limited, mundane life.

I used to ask: When will I get back to my normal life?

But now I wonder: Can I return to normalcy?

You see, my issue does not float on the surface of the green sea of envy. I no longer desire to be at that party or dinner event. I’m now a lazy little thing. My new problems are much deeper: Quarantine has made me socially weird.

You see, over time, my peers left their bubbles to “live their lives” or reluctantly return to work. Unwanted or not, they were able to socialize: navigating conversations, telling jokes, negotiating with a boss, and flirting with prospects. Socializing is an art form that requires practice, and my skills were diminishing.

Losing the ability to film my social outings, I was forced to get creative with at-home content. I made a photoshoot challenge and chose ‘quarantine cozy’ as one of the themes.

In November, I logged back into a dating app to find a “quarantine boo,” but the guys quickly lost interest [and understandable so] because of my need for distance. I had to realize that I wasn’t a good candidate to date just because of my physical boundaries but also my mental state.

Is my life too boring to talk about? Can I choose interesting topics that reflect my personality? Why do I blurt out things I don’t mean? Am I making them uncomfortable? If a guy tried to touch me, would I flinch? Could I enjoy kissing? Would anyone tolerate my squeamish reaction? Who am I as a person after all of this?

Me in-line to receive my first dose of the vaccine

By mid-February 2021, I was fully vaccinated and ready to rejoin society. The next few weeks were a mind game.

I’m not comforting. I lost my charm. I say rude things. I have nothing to say back. That came out wrong. I believe in the exact opposite of what I said.

I had great difficulty handling small interactions as I watched others’ faces morph into puzzled expressions.

1. Eliminate the Fear and Anxiety

I returned to my usual routine, walking through grocery and retail stores, to become used to public spaces. Regaining self-efficiency adds confidence. So does dressing up.

Bathroom selfie taken at the restaurant Gloria’s in Southlake, TX

My doctor’s waiting room experience in 2020 caused me to spiral with anxiety. But now, I was carefree and joyous waltzing amongst the public — mask-on and 6-feet apart of course.

I know running errands will be a larger feat for others. I think practicing patience with yourself and hanging with trusted individuals can help you move forward.

2. Hang with Friends

A hangout would be a true exposé of my boring personality, but I surprisingly found myself holding conversations well with my old high school friend. I may have given myself too little credit. You may be too if you have the same worry!

Artsy selfie with my friend at a pho restaurant in February 2021

I know that great friends can be hard to find. (I struggled a lot with this in high school and college.) A majority of your friendships have probably fizzled out this past year, which grants you the perfect excuse to cancel toxic friends. If they don’t spark joy, then don’t waste your newfound freedom on them.

The next week, I grabbed tacos with the same guy friend but also another girl from our high school. I felt safe, but I found myself insecure having out-of-body experiences watching myself talk at them. I enjoyed the hangout, but I nonetheless felt like the annoying 3rd person.

Depending on your situation, you may be tempted to socialize yourself with matches from dating apps. I get it. You want to practice on someone that you may never see again and can’t hurt your social reputation. But don’t. There are enough bored people on the apps wanting to bored-message others which ruins genuine match-making for other people. Besides, that could backfire and mentally set you back if you end up liking the person and then they ghost you.

3. Life Management

I needed to adjust my weekly routine as I re-introduced hangouts. I was no longer used to carving out time for brunch. I couldn’t even remember how long it took to fix my hair and makeup.

Also, my Taco Tuesday budget was already spent on unnecessary clothes. (In isolation, my dopamine fix came from impulse purchases.) So, I wasn’t able to create a lavish entrance for myself.

I didn’t realize how poorly prepared I was now having to distinguish the days in a week. Luckily, I wasn’t starting a new job at this time, or else my stress levels would be in the red. My only advice on this is to start working out, get your sleep schedule on track, and stay on top of your vitamins. You need the energy to make yourself make these adjustments.

4. Dating

I was ready to meet someone new, so I reactivated my Hinge profile. Matching guys was easy, getting dates was hard. The guys continued to message me but would not ask out my cute-vaccinated self. How do you say “I’m ready to be asked on a first date” without sounding bad?

My first date was 10 am coffee with a boy who was fun to text, but he showed up a different person. He didn’t smile or laugh or even act interested in me whatsoever. I carried the conversation and quickly realized he didn’t enjoy certain topics that I picked out. The only authentic quality about this guy was that he didn’t falsely promise me that he’d text me… because it’s been one week later and still haven’t heard from him.

This negative interaction honestly discouraged me from getting excited about anyone else. The audacity to show up to a first date in a bad mood was a slap to the face. Then after critical self-reflection, I blamed myself for overtalking and scaring off a “good guy.”

Right now, I think everyone is the worst version of themselves, even if they are not aware of it. Perhaps he was so focused on his own stress or sadness that he was unable to be compassionate and give me some grace. And if this is true, I must accept that I may also be presenting myself in a poor way…nah! I’m perfect. But I did slow down my virtual search for love.

If you’re not interested in dating, maybe join a Dischord chat/online forum that hosts local meetups to make friends. Virtual is the safest, but if you can, try to arrange physical outdoor hangouts if you notice yourself developing social anxiety.

I always thought I’d get further into dating someone upon publishing this article, but now we have come to an awkward end. Are you also struggling to date even more than usual?

I had to end this article on a better note. Here is a fashion find that I wanted but didn’t let myself buy. Now I have $15 for mimosas.