How to Socialize Adult Bengal Cats
I adopted 2 snow-spotted Bengal cats from a shelter, but they do NOT enjoy the human touch. Here’s how I got them to love and trust me.
My cats have been with a breeder, a previous family, and volunteers at a shelter. Somewhere along the way, they lost their trust in humans and the joy of being pet. The constant change in ownership — and maybe the obsession with each other — gave them no reason to build a relationship with a human.
With no backstory on their breeder or first family, I’m unsure what went wrong. Maybe they were considered show-cats, never to be gently handled, or outright abused. When you pick them up, they go into a level-red panic and fight you. (This has made nail trimming and ear cleaning very difficult.)
This article will share with you my cat socialization steps, the unique traits of a Bengal cat, the timeline, and the personal progress I observed in my cats.
Steps to Socialize Any Cat
- Keep a Routine — Cats take comfort in a daily routine, especially with feeding times.
- Say “NO!” — You may not want to hurt their feelings, but you still must enforce household rules. Most of them exist to keep cats safe. There will come a time where reprimanding your cats (and trimming their nails or cleaning their ears) will not affect your relationship.
- Pet Whenever Possible — Show them affection while they eat and nap (and basically whenever you can even if they act annoyed.) Start your focus on their body instead of their head/face. Sometimes they sleep in tucked-away places but always try to find them. If you can reach them, pet them. In an hour, return to them for a brief rub to constantly let them know you are thinking of them.
- Follow Them — When they stroll around the house, follow them to get them used to your presence. If they pick up the pace, don’t speed up but also don’t stop trailing behind. They need to push through the discomfort of having a human tag along and realize you aren’t a threat. Months later, you will want to pet them once you catch up to the cat. Just a brief pet to show constant love. (My cats don’t like me when I wear shoes, so practice this with socks on.)
- Talk to Them — One-way conversations are the best. Discuss your failed love life or nerd out on them. Always emphasize command words, like “treat” or “walk.” Have a word or song for when you feed them, so they come running. This all goes back to my first point about continuity. They like being able to understand your language.
- Play with Them — Although their wild side kicks in and they solely focus on the dangly feathers, they are ultimately aware that you are making the toy move. They see this as bonding time.
- Body Language — Cats hardly have vocal conversations with one another. (You never hear them go “meow meow meow” and have another respond “me-meow!”) They interact through body language. Slow blink at them. Roll around on the ground like them.
- Avoid Picking Them Up— If these were kittens, I’d say carry them around with you; but, we’re trying to work on adult scaredy-cats. Cats lose a lot of control once they are lifted from the ground, which requires immense trust in their human. As much as I want to wrap them in a blanket burrito and show them I’m all good scratchies, they may be too distracted by fear to notice that you aren’t actually hurting them.
- Make It Easy for Them — If you like to read, try to do so on a couch to give your cat some room to join you. Cats love to “make biscuits” and lounge on a plushy blanket.
The Bengal Wild Side
Bengals (F4 and beyond) may be considered domesticated felines, but they are very close in lineage to their wild ancestors. They will run faster, jump higher, and play-fight harder than any typical tabby. When their fight-or-flight mode is activated, they have no problem resorting to fighting. You must proceed with caution for your safety but also understand the Bengal socialization process is timely.
They are also curious creatures that require constant stimulation. They will come to learn the word “no” but still refuse to obey. Stand your ground. But also understand that a lot of misbehavior stems from boredom or seeking attention.
Although your Bengal may not be a lap kitty, having your cat choose to relax beside you or out in the open is a huge sign of love and respect in the animal kingdom. You are a part of their pact even if they don’t seek cuddles.
Socialization Timeline
You will not make linear progress with cat socialization. This will make you doubt yourself as a cat mom. You’ll get hurt and cry.
This is not about accepting bad days but also bad weeks. You will notice your cats going through constant phases and sometimes that includes distancing themselves. This is normal. (Unless they show signs of being sick, so look out for those, of course.)
Sometimes, cats are really clingy their first month with you simply to establish the foundation of their relationship. Once they feel secure, they move on. (This happened with my boy Bengal who would fall asleep on my lap and then has completely stopped doing that.)
Another factor may be the weather. If it’s warm outside, they avoid cuddles with their humans and other cats. But, on a positive note, they will start lounging out in the open since it is too hot to nap under the covers.
Cats have different personalities, so you may notice that they are introverted and crave alone time. You can’t really change their preferences. That’s like forcing me to visit a nightclub after I put on my pajamas!
Many Bengal cat parents claim, including me, that you see drastic progress after the 9-month mark. Everything up until then was a crazy rollercoaster full of ups and downs. But once 9 months have passed, the cats have mellowed out. You can still continue to make progress afterward, but you are less likely to take any steps backward in the journey.
My Cats’ Results
My cats have been in my home for over a year. They are about to celebrate their 3rd birthday and were really good with their first Christmas tree. They are spoiled with open window time, a large cat tree, a heated cat house, wet food treats 3 times per day, and a stroller that lets them safely explore the outdoors. They unknowingly braved through their first tornado warning. They’ve ripped apart the curtains and still go on forbidden furniture. I would jump in front of a moving car to save them.
My Bengals, a brother and sister bonded pair, have 2 different personalities. I will describe each of them by listing their most common traits and then elaborate on how they transitioned.
Male Bengal “Perses”
- More social since he craves more attention and playtime;
- Lounges out in the open;
- Often moody and timid;
- Anything for food;
- Walks up to you;
Although Perses constantly presented himself to be pet, he would still shy away whenever I’d reach my hand out. He didn’t want to be left out, so he’d follow you room-to-room, but he had no desire to be touched.
Today, he still doesn’t love being picked up or my infamous kissy-attacks, but he needs to be acknowledged with a head pet and back scratch. When you approach him during a nap, he purrs, slow blinks, rolls around, and kneads the air. Sometimes you can give him a 5-minute belly rub! The moment doesn’t last, but he genuinely enjoys the touch.
Female Bengal “Nike”
- Prefers alone time even away from her brother;
- Lounges away from others in a dark bedroom or under something;
- Sneaky and slinky and brave;
- Complex thoughts;
- Gets in a weird mood where she will rub herself against your ankles like crazy and then run
Nike hated human touch way more than her brother. She’d rather throw herself backward than have my hand lightly touch her. She would pancake while walking and waddle down the hallway. Talk about a blow to my self-esteem!
Today, she still scurries away and rudely flattens herself, but now she walks up to you expecting a head pet several times a day. She also gets into a lovey-dovey mood once a day where she wants attention for 5 minutes straight. Then she’s satisfied and leaves you. Her routine still consists of alone time in bedrooms, but she’ll opt for on top of the covers instead of under, which may be more about the warmer weather, but how do you explain her lounging in the living room?
The biggest breakthrough was around the 10-month mark when she started to purr for the first time. (I literally thought her biological mom didn’t teach her or her purr box was broken!) When she’s napping, you can pet her cheeks, kiss her ears, and bury your face in her fur. She loves it! And yes, I am crazy obsessed with her.
Both of them don’t seek lap cuddles and will sometimes avoid being touched, but I think there is more progress to be made. As my cats age, they will calm down and probably be more open to the slow life. I look forward to that day, but I’m in no rush. Now that they don’t fear me, I’m happy.
